ABOUT BEING TOO MUCH

I wrote in my last post about my recent process of grieving the end of a relationship, the transformation that followed, and how I’m now feeling more alive and in love with myself than ever before.

There’s a belief I held for a long time—one I had to let go of in order to fully reveal myself:

You have to hold yourself, and be strong on your own, to be worthy of love.

Oh, the post-modern joke.
The universal lie.
The belief so many of us are still carrying.




Because I spent most of my adult life in co-dependent relationships…
Because I was aware of my anxious attachment patterns and how they impacted my connections…
Because I felt like I was the wounded one (and because of capitalist, individualistic culture, spiritual bypassing, and avoidant mechanisms)…
I was convinced there was some kind of magic threshold I needed to cross. That one day, I wouldn’t need anyone but myself—and then, I’d finally be healed.

Let’s break that spell:

You don’t heal in isolation.

I know I’m not the first to say it, but hear it from me.

I may appear strong.
I may look like I’ve got my shit together.
I may have climbed out of the dark hole I was in.
I may be a leader, an authority figure, a successful coach, an “intimidating” woman—or whatever else you project onto me…

But I’m also a frightened, emotional little girl who still needs a Daddy.
A Mommy.
A whole damn village to help take care of herself.

For a long time, it was hard for me to ask for help.
In my romantic relationships, I carried the story:
“I’m too needy.”
“I’m too much.”
“I can’t be satisfied anyway.”

(And yes—being with someone who struggles to set boundaries or be present with intense emotions doesn’t exactly help shift that narrative.)

In this storyline, my partners’ limitations in meeting my needs were either proof that I was too much or they were not enough. Either way, something had to be “wrong.”

(Because there always needs to be a problem to solve.)
(And guess what? I solved it.)

Yes—my needs are valid.
Yes—I can ask for what I want.
Yes—I deserve to receive it.
Yes—it’s okay if others have boundaries and limitations.

And yes—I require a lot.
Yes—I am too much.
Way too much.

…For one person.

I am an intense, emotional, chaotic, powerful, grown-ass woman.
And when I’m heartbroken, rejected, humiliated, and deep in my core wounds—
Of course I’m too much for one person to hold.

The reason I made it through the past months is simple:
I am held by a strong relational field.
And I asked for help.

What allowed me to reach out and break the “too much” story—beyond trusting my friends—was abundance.
If one person wasn’t available, I knew someone else would be.
They could say no, and it was okay, because there were other options.
And even reaching out—sometimes just that—was enough to show my inner little girl that I was taking care of her.

You are not too much for a village.
You don’t need to be “healed” to be worthy of love.
We are not meant to grieve, grow, or heal alone.

And yet—you are the only one who can save yourself,
by asking for support.

So…

When do you start?