Befriending solitude
(newsletter June 14th)
After the end of my last romantic relationship in the fall of 2024, I had to learn how to be alone.
Since 2014, I had gone from one significant relationship to the next, with almost no break in between — meaning I had been "in a relationship" for 10 years.
I spent years exploring this question: how do you keep passion and desire alive in long-term relationships? I tried different relational models — monogamy, polyamory in different forms — I read dozens of books, went to therapy…
Relationships, intimacy, sexuality are passions of mine — and they became my profession.
Through this last breakup, I came to realize two things (perfect ingredients for creating codependent dynamics):
– For as long as I can remember, I was either in a relationship or looking for one.
– My happiness heavily depended on the state of my intimate life. My sexuality and the attention I received from my partners directly affected my emotional state.
As a conscious intimacy coach, I had added another layer of pressure: Who am I to support clients in their intimate lives if mine doesn’t live up to my ideal?
In December 2024, I had a heavy realization:
My worth was defined by my ability to be in a relationship, and each breakup just reinforced the belief that “something’s wrong with me.”
Being partnered had become so deeply tied to my identity that it was preventing me from moving forward and truly grieving.
Oof.
That was a big one to digest.
One thing that helped was choosing not to judge that part of me — the Lover — who has so much to give, and loves so deeply.
She is powerful, creative, devotional, inspired.
Crushing her would only have made me feel more inadequate.
So, since December, I’ve made the conscious choice to be alone — and to redirect my devotion toward other things, starting with myself.
I began writing texts and poetry to channel the love that no longer had a “special someone” to pour into.
I spent more time with friends.
I hosted cuddle nights and movie evenings, dinners, outings.
I planned a trip to Costa Rica and one to Europe.
I meditated, cried, prayed.
I bought myself new clothes.
I created a small inner room, a symbolic altar to my last relationship, where I placed all the beautiful memories.
I said yes to spontaneous invitations I would have declined in the past.
I let myself fall in love for a few weeks knowing it would be temporary — and when the love reached its limit, I moved on.
In English, there are two words for solitude: “alone,” which is neutral, and “lonely,” which carries a sense of isolation or lack.
I’m learning how to be alone. All one.
There are mornings where I feel that solitude — where I wish I had a lover to cuddle with and whisper I love you to.
But instead, I do my yoga and meditation practice, I journal, and I send voice notes of gratitude and care to my friends.
Little by little, I’ve grown more comfortable with my solitude.
I’m learning to enjoy the time I spend alone in my home, to live at my own rhythm, to listen to my desires.
I used to always need someone to tell me how to care for myself — and now I’ve become a good partner to myself.
I’m even a little wild at the idea of someone else trying to care for me.
I realize how much of my energy used to be scattered in romantic drama — and how much I can now channel into my creative and professional projects.
And above all, I’ve developed a deeper reference point for my own energy, my center, me without interference.
I'm not sharing this to promote celibacy or inspire a solitary lifestyle.
Quite the opposite — I deeply believe we are social animals, and that living alone goes against our nature.
I’m also very supported; I have a close-knit circle of incredible friends that I connect with daily, and without whom I wouldn’t be in balance.
For me, this time is a kind of relational detox.
A moment to rediscover who I am without a partner, without my energy being driven by the need to connect with another.
A time to redefine who I am, what I want, and how to be in a healthy relationship with myself.
It’s a gift I’ve chosen to give myself, consciously — and strangely, it has brought me closer to my spirituality and more clarity about my life path.
I feel more grounded, calmer, and my nervous system has never been so well regulated.
I’m no longer waiting for a partner — I’m listening to what life wants to bring me.
I’m no longer in a relationship — but I feel truly loved, seen, appreciated.
I no longer have romantic love — but for the first time in my life, I feel deep love for myself.
And it’s with this anchored, inspired energy that I’m entering the summer.
A busy summer, but one that includes space for ritual bodywork and accompaniment sessions.
Summer Offering ~ Sacred Spot Ritual & Devotional Massage
Special Summer Pricing — July & August
Single 3-hour session: $450–800* (for existing clients only)
New clients: $600–$1000*
Includes 2 in-person sessions + 1 integration call
*Sliding scale, pay what you can according to your financial situation
"The best massage I’ve ever received. Everyone should experience this." – J.
"Your presence, your touch — they remind me I’m still alive." – A.
"Thank you again for this time with you.
It’s divine, and I feel so privileged to share this energy under your guidance." – G.
"I didn’t know I could journey without substances." – C.
Have questions? Wondering if this is right for you?
Book a call with me — the cost will be deducted if you decide to go ahead with a session.
